bummed about work

Many thoughts of stepping down in my career. Just don't want to manage anymore. Two responsibilities have been yanked due to the new "store structural system" - SSS - aka super shitty situation. I suppose if I have less responsibility yet still get paid the same, that's a good thing, but that's not what I signed up for 5 years ago.

In the event this did the happen (though I'm too chicken shit to follow through with it), I would have to find a solid, stable, SANE roommate to pay rent so I can pay my mortgage. I could create my own schedule, work less hours, and just be happy. I have so many big fish to fry, and this one has been cooking for awhile...

Plus I feel like my boss is disappointed with me because I heard he wanted to give me produce...again...for the 5th time. If I'm unhappy with something I don't sugarcoat it, and I did tell him that if he wanted me to do it I would, but that I've also written the order in 5 different stores now and it's just not challenging for me anymore. I don't think it would help me develop as a leader, giving me something that I'm bored with. Why not give me fresh? I'm passionate about that order and I know 90% of the products because I buy my lunch there EVERYDAY! Pretty sure I blew that opportunity when I disregarded the produce order. Whatever, I'll do it.

Maybe I should just numb myself - smile through the pain and the suffering. Certainly there are worse things in life. I guess maybe I haven't shown or proven that I'm worthy. We'll see how my midreview chat goes. Reviews usually jarr me into reality, at least for a short period of time.

My body hurts. Everyday I have back pain, and know my knee has been acting up big time (not work related, I chalk it up to wear and tear from running).

I think I'll start preparing myself. Gonna go post a wanted ad on Craigslist for a roommate...we'll see how many crazies I attract.

Cheers.