inspiration...athleticism...

Although my actions this morning are the antithesis to my theme today---I was going to get up before 9am so I could go to the gym and take a bootcamp class. However, I know myself well, and I had to work til midnight last night and went to bed before 2am, and when I wake up I'm just tired and totally snooze it up for almost an hour. That happened today. But that's okay, I've got my coffee, catching up on my DVR, being relaxed until I have to do the whole work thing all over again tonight. I'm okay with this - at this very moment in my life right now I am at peace with myself. That doesn't mean that won't change in a few hours, haha, but at least for this moment, I can be happy.

I've decided to make a few small physical and mental health changes in my life. They were brought to my attention harshly after I invited my former friend (I say former regretfully) Wendy to be my date at the fulltime party. Apparently I had one too many glasses of champagne and acted a little silly, but she led me to believe that I have a problem with alcohol. I won't get into details as they are still fresh in my memory, but the result is that it put a huge dent in our friendship and now things seem to be on hold for awhile - she needs time for herself for her to heal from her spinal/shoulder work injuries and can't have any negative outside influences. I miss her very much, however, she told me in her last message that I need to find inside of me what makes me so unhappy. Not having her as my best friend does that, amongst a very little social life, body images, and general romantic relationship unhappiness.

So I'm trying to take her advice and keep the big one in mind - "Make happy memories." I want to tattoo that on my wrist. It's hard though somedays, but I also have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day - gaining forgiveness and making these changes take time. Things happen for a reason and I have to remain patient.

So to break outside of my limited work world, I'm getting involved in Vavi sports. Social leagues. I planned on playing Kickball with Brent when we were together but we broke up a week before the league was to start, so I backed out last minute (and got my refund, thankfully). That didn't stop me though, I still wanted to play, so I found another Kickball league to join. Our team was terrible throughout the season, but I had so. much. fun that I got addicted. I'd play 3-4 nights a week if it were up to me! But instead, I signed up for another league the next season.

At my store's party, we had a picnic, and a volleyball game was set up - I played that game for nearly 4 hours. Again, I had so. much. fun playing it that I wanted to join a Vavi volleyball league. The downside to this is that Vavi does charge a fee to play in their leagues, so I went to the next option - find a meetup.com group that plays social volleyball for free. I found one that plays just about every Saturday morning. I finally went to one a couple weeks ago and had tons of fun again. I plan on going to that almost every week as well.

Once I find out if my days off change or not (won't be for another 6-8 weeks I imagine), I play one night kickball, and probably join a Vavi softball league. I'm not great at the game whatsoever (at least I assume, I haven't played since the 5th grade), and I could disclaim to my group that I'm not great and that I'm just here to have fun (and here for the beer, haha). I'm trying to rally people up from work and other stores I've worked at to join the leagues with me, but it's a work in progress. Just gotta keep hyping them up.

And then there's the drinking issue - I drink. A lot. Sometimes heavily. It doesn't scare me too much yet, because I'm not putting myself in predicaments where I lose control and rely on a total stranger to get me home, or become promiscuous in the company of strangers. I'm done with that part of my life. No, I drink at home. Go through a bottle of wine, easily, or a few vodka soda cocktails. I do it because it let's me unwind, it makes me feel good, I'm bored, etc. I really want to cut out a lot of this. I told Sara at work that during the workweek I'm not going to drink - that way I don't go into work hungover, and maybe I can drop a little weight because I'm not drinking nearly as much. I told her the only day I would drink would be during Kickball games on Thursday nights. That didn't go as planned last week - on top of Thursday I had plenty a cocktail on Friday and Saturday night as well. But at least instead of drinking 6-7 nights a week, it was only 4. So that is an improvement. And I had 2 glasses wine last night because I didn't want the red to go bad. So tonight, Tuesday, and Wednesday, no drink. I'm okay with this. I know I have the strength to do it. My argument is that I don't want to come off or sound like I have a problem. Because I don't. (Even though some people say denial is the first sign - probably, but I KNOW I don't. So shut up.)

Also kind of cleansed last week, and it helped me a bit. Going to cleanse again this week - tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday. Cranberry juice and watered down grapefruit juice. Eat only salads and edamame at night. If not at least Wednesday and Thursday.

So this week I feel positive - even though I didn't go to the gym this morning, I went yesterday (1), going to play volleyball with my Kickball teammate Kris in Mira Mesa (2), Kickball Thursday (3), and beach Volleyball Saturday (4). Somewhere in there I have to put a run in, hopefully Friday (5). Because I have that half marathon looming over my head that's happening in 2 weeks.

Sadly, that will be my last road race for awhile. I just don't have the passion for running anymore. I like to mix up my physical activities, hence with all the excitement I have for kickball, volleyball, and softball. Plus I have that awesome gym membership (with a great circuit training program) and will take advantage of the free personal training session I get once the race is over. Just gotta get through the race, then I can put full focus to these other athletic activities in my life. I totally don't expect myself to beat my 2 hr. 12 min. record like I got last year - my goal is to finish, hopefully in under 2 hour 20 min. but we'll see. Can't beat myself up over it because I didn't train, and like I said, just not into it anymore. Running and I are taking a break to explore other dating areas, so to speak, haha.

But yeah, never considered myself and athlete til now. Even though I'm breaking from running, I'm still a runner, and I still do it. I play kickball. I play volleyball. I'm going to play softball. And I go to the gym. My stomach and thighs aren't the greatest, but all atheletes come in different sizes. The point is I'm getting out there and playing and having a great time. It makes me happy. Making happy memories...

I really want that as a tattoo...