sneak peek in my twisted mind

Gwen, when I listen to your song, "Cool,"...must you make me miss him this much?

Damn you, Gwen.

I don't want to call him. I want him to call me. But if he doesn't (which is very likely), I won't be upset. I really don't have much to say anyway except that I ran 10 miles today. The most I've ever run. And now my belly looks like I'm 4 months pregnant, which I'm NOT. I didn't even eat all that much today like I have in the past couple of days.

The only good part about being depressed was the lack of appetite. Oh yeah...and I won't drink coffee for awhile because a few days ago I had my usual two cups and I feigned sickness at work but really I think I psychosomaticised (word, sp?) myself into thinking I truly was sick, even though I was perfectly fine. I just wanted to get a reaction out of Alisa when I told her I hadn't gotten my period in a week thus far, which isn't true, at least, not yet to my knowledge. I want her to think I'm having a pregnancy scare with Dudley's baby, which again, is not true. I WANT HER TO CONFESS THAT SHE FUCKED HIM!!! So I've been avoiding her at work. And I made her SWEAR that she don't tell anybody about my so-called "scare," including Dudley. My story is that I wouldn't want to tell him unless it's absolutely positively correct that I'm "pregnant," even though I'm not. "Why scare him when it may not be true? And if it is true, I won't tell him anyway because he's leaving, I wouldn't want that to be a distraction." Heh heh heh. I'm bored, I like to create drama. But the bottom line - I WANT HER TO CONFESS THAT SHE FUCKED HIM!!!

Maybe I'll call him because I'm tired and about to go to bed and I don't want him calling me an hour after I fall asleep because I will be awake FOR-EV-ER!!!