one

Is truly the lonliest number that you'll ever do...

I've been so bored, but more so, so lonely lately. Being single sucks...in the beginning anyway. I go to work, come home and waste my life away here. This is why I am a drama queen - drama provokes LIFE and INTRIGUE in my life, I THRIVE on drama and passion. Without it I am nothing, as I am right now. I have no inspiration.
And God dammit I miss him. I still want him to leave but at the same time I don't because I will miss him so much. I talked to him last night and told him that I felt alone. He said I wasn't alone, my guess was that he was implying that I wasn't alone as long as he was in my life. Maybe so...but I really would enjoy some physical company. Whether it's his own or one of my few girlfriends or even a cat. I always enjoy my mom's company but I can't keep relying on it and going over to the house everytime I'm bored and lonely.
Just realized that the word "one" is in the word "lonely."
Things I'm looking forward to: Saturday, because I'm going to Tucson to visit Mary and Lars; next weekend, because I get to go to Long Beach, CA for the half marathon; getting promoted for my job and getting out of that store; going to Portland after Christmas; and...
I'm not sure if I should look forward to Dudley coming home for a week before he goes to boot camp because I don't think I'll get to spend any time with him. He's having a going away get-together at Rosie's next Friday, but I plan on not going. I'll possibly be leaving that night for Long Beach, if not, early that next morning. I won't be back til Sunday night, and then I'll have to work early that Monday, and he leaves that Tuesday.
I hate looking forward to my time off in my home. Something about this place that keeps me depressed.
God, take me away from this hell...