Reconstruction

Ultimately, I am feeling better.
Dudley never called me back, like he promised. I can forgive him for that. He is a forgetful person anyway. I called him this morning but reached his voicemail. Hopefully he will call me back today. If not, then maybe he's a changed person. I've changed for the better but he hasn't given me a chance to proove it yet.
Anyhow, I called Alisa after I tried calling him. Turns out she wasn't mad at me at all - she was mad at Dudley because he was too drunk to get into Margarita Rocks for dancing, and that's all Alisa wanted to do was dance!! I didn't expect that answer at all. She understood why I broke out crazy like I did the other night, but I still felt the need to apologize for halting the good times we were having. She was also mad at Dudley for talking on the phone with Christina because he had been talking for a long time and she knew it was going to upset me.
It's funny how he only calls and talks to her when he's drunk. Doesn't that say something?
But I'm very very happy that Alisa isn't mad at me. I feel like I know her well enough that she wouldn't say she was mad at Dudley instead of me just to spare my feelings. We're women, we're Cancers, we've been burned by love. I feel that maybe Friday night might have seemed to put some dirt on the friendship, but something got planted in that dirt. Somethings going to grow in that dirt - a strong, bonded, wonderful friendship. I look forward to having that with Alisa. We've already made plans to go out dancing on Thursday night. Izzy wants to go salsa dancing but I guess he, Alisa, and Dannin went on Saturday night and Alisa didn't like getting picked up by the short, kinda fat, VERY Mexican guys there. Yuck, I wouldn't like that either. So maybe we'll try to convince Izzy to come with us to Margarita Rocks or somewhere in Scottsdale to dance.
I really do feel better. Maybe I'll feel even more better when Dudley calls. Or maybe I won't. In the past, I usually haven't felt better when he called. I dont' want to oust him, but I somewhat want to cut him out of parts of my life. Just to kill the pain on the spot.
I almost can't wait for September 22nd. He's going out to California then to visit with friends before he goes off to Boot Camp. Then he'll come back to Phoenix on October 9th, I think. And go to San Antonio on October 17th. That's in another month. I almost can't wait. It'll be better once he's gone. For the both of us.

I can't end this without writing about the dream I had last night, in anticipation of him calling me, when he didn't:
I was spending time with him at his Dad's house, and his dad was about to come home. Dudley wanted me to leave, but I stayed anyway. His dad felt obligated to invite me to stay for dinner, and by then Dudley's sister was over there. They had hamburgers, and by the time they were all done eating I was still putting condiments on my burger. I was sitting on one side of the table, Dudley sat at the opposite end of the table, next to him was his sister, and next to his sister and across from me was his Dad. I hurried up to finish after they cleared the table. They were all watching television in the living room when I finally cleared my plate. Then Dudley, his sister Sheila, and I went for a drive.
Dudley didn't really talk to me and neither did Sheila - they were both upset with me and what I'd done to Dudley. Sheila was driving and Dudley and I were in the backseat. As a last attempt for forgiveness, I made Dudley cookies, but he didn't want any. Sheila stopped the car in a neighborhood I didn't recognize, and her and Dudley went inside - they were staying with their aunt and I had nowhere to go. So I went to the airport to fly back home, but when I got there, I had my perfume in my carryon. The airport didn't allow any liquid chemicals in carryon bags because of the attempted England terrorist attacks. I was upset and was forced to throw it away.

Kim