Oops I did it AGAIN

So I did it again.
I got drunk and became super psycho.
Let me just clear my name right now, that I only get super psycho when drunk around DUDLEY. Because he has to go off and talk talk talk on his damn cell phone with CHRISTINA. Now...why can't he talk talk talk on his cell phone with ME? So what if you see me everyday.
I kinda wish someone had a video camera and taped all my actions and outbursts yesterday just so I would be forced to watch it over and over again today to see how much of a fuck-up I am.
Him and Alisa and I made a night out in Tempe last night. We started at Ra for some sushi and sake bombers. I was a little upset earlier with Dudley because I wanted to be AT Ra at 7pm but he wasn't ready UNTIL 7pm. So we picked up Alisa and went there. Once I had a drink I kinda loosened up and tried to forget about the whole thing - we were there and we were there to have fun. I left the waiter's Alisa's phone number because she thought he was cute - hopefully he's not a psycho stalker and calls her. Hopefully he nice and calls her or hopefully he doesn't call her at all and I can save the worrying. One of those two. Then we headed over to Big Bang. I really should have pulled a move like Alisa did and kept my credit cards in the car.
We stood up in the Pit at BB for almost an hour until a table cleared in the front. Israel and had joined us by then and we were having a good ol' time. I decided to have a few drinks (Long Islands of course). Met a guy at the bar one time, looked for him the second time but he was gone. We all danced and had a good time. We closed out about midnight or so - my receipt said I wanted to be charged $20 total including tip but my bank statement this morning is saying $40 so I will have to call and complain to BB.
We walked to find bathrooms and water and then tried getting into Margarita Rocks, but when they asked Dudley to spell his last name, he spelled it wrong or too slow and wouldn't let him in. We kept walking around and pretty much what happened was what happened last time, but Alisa and Israel were there to witness it. I cried and had a cow, of course. Dudley and I stayed aside from Alisa and Israel and we proceeded to fight and I cried. Then we walked back. At one point I yelled out "I'm beautiful!" because I felt Dudley didn't think so, and some random guys on the street heard me and I went and talked to them. They invited me to go wherever they were going but I wasn't that drunk to follow complete strangers. I went back to Alisa and Israel, Dudley was in the bathroom. I talked and cried to Israel, but only for a little bit. Then Alisa came and talked to me, but I was so embarrased because I hated her seeing me like this, and I felt like I fucked up our friendship by breaking down like that and just being a complete twit about the whole situation. Yet, I did pour my heart out, but I also said I was DD and broke that deal. She ended up having Israel drive her home, and I would have done the same, although Dudley and I got home fine.
Basically I feel like shit today. I'm not hungover at all, but I'm feeling reflective about last night's events. Israel texted me asking if we got home okay, and I told him we did but that I was worried they were upset with how I acted last night, and I was worried I'd soiled my friendship with Alisa. He said to not worry and that it wasn't a big deal at all, and that Alisa said she was wondering the same thing about me, about our friendship. When I see her again I'll have to apologize and by her lunch or offer babysitting or something. I just feel so terrible about putting my friends through that crap. It's unnecessary.
Now I've definitely ruined the relationship, whatever was left that existed, between Dudley and I. It's definitely all over. No more friendship, no more sex, no more phone calls, no more anything. It's best that I just completely cut that string that was barely holding us together. I don't want to put him through anymore of my emotional and insecure turmoil.
I NEED TO GET OVER IT!!!

Kim